Thursday, October 18, 2012

my crippling sugar addiction

So, I failed the 5 day sugar challenge. 

I am >not< sugar free.

I suppose I'll just reset the days and see how far I get.

In other news, it looks like I have a work gym buddy.  Gonna do a 3 k every day during lunch.  Well, 3 days a week.  Should be interesting.  I just don't know how the logistics of showering here is gonna work.

There is no excuse.  I really should be hitting the gym.  I wonder what time it really does get dark...

Time to reduce portion size and cut out processed foods and sugar.

Time to plan meals, and pack them a day in advance.  I'm eating my retirement money.  I don't want to be a homeless hobo at age 214.  Or, 80 for that matter.

This isn't me.  I'm not mechanical.

I thought about starting a sugar addiction diary.  Maybe, note down my food intake, etc.  I'm nothing if not a meticulous recorder of the mundane.

Ah well.

Love and peace.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Relatively poor

I am dissatisfied with my current financial state.

There is much debt, despite a well-oiled budget.

On paper, it should work.  But, in reality, things are ... not working out as they should.

I have set up some new goals and lists.  All that is required is for time to pass and moneys to transfer as written.  Groceries, car, house, creche;  the mundane tasks of a happily married life.

I will not become the victim of financial ruin.  Not on my watch.

I have, furthermore, entered into an agreement, more with myself than anyone else, that I will be cutting out sugar for the next 5 days.  5 days is not hard.  I have however noticed that I have to remind myself of the arrangement many times a day when the urge to snack enters my mind.

Strange mad world.

Work today was not as terrible as I was expecting it to turn out.  Very mellow, in fact.  I hope there will be many more days like this one, where I can just work;  no one bothering me.

Anyway, off to a meeting.  Gotta love Mondays.


Lawful Neutral
A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs her. Order and organization are paramount to her. She may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or she may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government. The common phrase for lawful neutral is "true lawful." Lawful neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you are reliable and honorable without being a zealot.

Friday, April 29, 2011


this week off was exactly what i needed.

work tends to become tedious and soul crushing after a while. there are deadlines and scurrying, all it seems for naught, at the time.

this week has been superb. lounging around has never been this relaxing. I'm almost eager to get back to the old grindstone. Almost.

anyway, that's all i have to say.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Have you lived?

For the overwhelming majority of us, the humble peoples of the world, working is a reality.

We need to work to feed our base requirements: food, shelter, etc.

As a member of the defined generation Y (As in, WHY can't I have it ALL??!), there is a need for my talents to coincide with community need, to coincide with what I can earn money at, to coincide with saving the world. Welcome to the superhero culture.

Does my life have purpose?

I have a very cubicle-esque job. Long hours. Okay pay. With extra helpings of pointless stressing and deadlines.

I'm generally disgruntled at the fact that I'm not working towards my personal growth goals. And, with that in mind, here follows an assessment of said goals and a plan (with required time line) to implement them:

What is working in my life

The money is okay. I can save a bit, pay some bills, and treat my kids.

The home is great, but not ours. Gotta get our own place, in a just-as-nice location.

Great travel opportunities at the job. New faces. Non-structured work daze. (Caveat: the travel invokes the dreaded double edged Sword of Oh-Noes!!)

My marriage is awesome. My life partner is all things wonderful. Loving, caring, absent-minded, diligent, ambitious, absent-minded, interesting, sexy and would move heaven and earth for my happiness. A great conversationalist and the love of my life, if a bit absent-minded.

The prestige and esteem just oozes from my job (IMO).

What is not working

The stress.

The crazy all-day hours.

The time it takes to travel all over the place.

I miss my kids and their development.

The feeling that I don't have the technical know-how to do this job, or that I'll never get really good at is, or that I'm not really using my maddest skillz, or ... I can't really get a handle on this specific insecurity. ...

What direction do I want to go in?

The beach.

I want to spend some time with my kids. Not all day. Not all by myself. Just mornings, afternoons and evenings.

I want to work at something finite with a finished product that I can become expert at and uses my knowledge and expertise and mad skillz. Like, proofreading, editing, drawing, writing, being creative. SOMEthing.

I wanna be in a position to drop my kids at school and fetch them in the afternoon. I don't wanna be more than 30mins away from them at any given time. As a newly polished parent, these are the things that are important to me.

Things I want to happen in my life

The coastal life.

I want my kids to go to good schools and speak properly. I want to have a good relationship with them and with my husband. I prefer more grey stuff and less air in the heads of my children.

I wanna lose the pregnancy weight. One step at a time.

I want to see the Louvre in person. At least once. If that's not too much to ask. Before I die.

What do I want to explore?

Perhaps a job as a marketing executive? Where I would feature as the one thinking up ideas and looking after budgets. NOT: presenting ideas, or creating projects from scratch.

Or, a financial advisor to mid-level income individuals (Is there a market for that?).

Perhaps, something in journo-ism. Editorial, NOT writing of content.

Maybe medicine, which has to do with general docotoring, not so much of the people bleeding / pooing, other bodily functions-ing on me. I also like regular hours of sleep and avoid violent screaming people.

Or, am I just too much of a vocational snob?

Is there a place for someone like me where I can excel and be happy? Perhaps, where I can word and excel?

(HahahahahahaHAHaHahaAHAHa) *wipes away tears of bittersweet amusement*

And in conclusion

I don't mind my current job. I don't love it either. The scale ranges from apathy to *SUCK*, with limited sprinkles of awesome. I'd like to make more of a contribution. I'd like for what I do to matter.

Maybe I'm just pissing in the wind.

So, the plan...

The best I can come up with, is to request that my hours be reduced, which invokes a pay cut. If I time this right, maybe my husband will get a pay raise just before my cut goes into effect and we still eek out a fairly acceptable existence.

The time line is to talk to HR as soon as I'm back at the office. I like to know what my options are. I like to know the rules and play by them. I want it all. And, I will have it.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Immersed in illusion

I love RPGs.

I really do.

I wish I knew how to dnd online.

Gaming has always been a necessary escape to me. And, I miss it now. I miss it times infinity.

As far as character builiding is concerned, I've always had an affinity for the ethereal. Or, well, impossibly tall ladies with pale blue skin and shock white hair. Pale eyes suggesting pools of azure doom to drown in.

I've also always been partial to the half-elf. Magical creatures, in tune with nature - at home in nature. Beautiful and agile. Humanoid, but slightly not.

The last good RPG I've occassioned to play, was Arcanum (of steamworks and magick obscura - Troika). And, I've played it to death (what with there being so many possibilities!).

What bugs me about my game playing skills (or, lack thereof) is that my bumbling actions nearly always land me in situations where I'm perceived as evil. Lady Luck aligns me with Anarchy. And, that is not my nature. So, it bugs me.

I am neutral good.

Live and let live, I say!

With funds being low, but want being +10, where can I RPG for free?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Glossy interlude

So, it's 10 weeks into life in the big city and... I am underwhelmed.

The work is the same - all over the country, it would seem.

The density of population is higher, however, the loneliness is also more enveloping. i have actually met some mean clients. Seriously. People who are just mean. I mean, yeah, we all have deadlines and whatnot. Yes, working in a field you don't enjoy is awful. But, seriously, why take it out on other people around you?

That's just selfish and short sighted.

I don't understand mean people. I don't understand the lack of respect for others. It's ... blatantly offensive. And, it sours one's day.

Another irritation I've noticed is that bad spelling and grammar is universal. I saw the incorrect use of apostrophe on a franchise menu. WTF??! When I jokingly attempted to bring this to the attention of the server, she just looked dazed and confused.

What is the world coming to?

Another learning moment was when I spent the weekend marking pre-grad scripts. The degradation of the language is just... beyond words, really. These are supposed to be the cream of the crop, the smartest of the smart. And, yet, these students fail to put a coherent sentence together. Nevermind reading properly and giving the correct answers.

I think the powers that be are failing the youth. Parents are failing the youth. The system and the structures are failing the youth. We do not expect more from them and we should. It is reasonable to expect a primary school level youth to be able to read, write and comprehend. It is reasonable to expect these children to want to learn and better themselves.

I do not treat my kids like fragile dolls who will break if not sheltered, if the world is not censored for them. I do not make up lame excuses or stories when they put their faith in me. I do not lie to them. I expect them to clean up around themselves, feed themselves. And, as soon as thery are able, dress themselves. I expect them to act like decent human beings, saying please and thank you. I expect them to expect consequences if they disobey their parents.

I also think that the family structure today is wrong, and is sending all of humanity down a pit of doom. (In the sense that 2 breadwinners are necessary.) I think I should be home more with my kids. It's a quandary. It boggles my mind the amount of work and time it takes to be able to afford a decent, safe place to live. In fact, so much time does it consume, that there is none left to enjoy the fruits of all this labour. There is no time to spend with my kids and enjoy them.

And, this upsets me.

I leave my house in the morning before my kids wake up. I am home in time to put them to bed. And, this does not sit right with me.

It just doesn't.

Everyone is *unfriendable*

I can't stand the idiocy on unfriendable.

I can't decide if people really are that unintelligent / uninformed / ignorant, or if it's all just an exceedingly lame joke.

Sure, there are some really funny jokes, but those are few and far between.

I'm done.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

And, on a lighter note

I'm very excited.

no, scratch that.

I am over la luna!

my significant other has promised me a weekend away, without the kiddies. it's gonna be awesome! and, it's happening this coming weekend!

two kids take up way more of your time than you'd think. more so than just one kid. i can't imagine when people with 3 or more young kids wash themselves, or brush their teeth!

so, this coming weekend is gonna be extra special. extra wonderful.

we barely ever get a chance to just be the 2 of us. we almost never get to just be. there are dual nappies to change, dual mouths to feed. and, all the dishes, laundry and cleaning that goes with that.

don't misunderstand, the kids are much loved, beautiful little us-es. Care-taking of them just really takes it out of you.

So, it's heels and make-up and hair this weekend.

I wonder if I'll be able to pull it off.


"new" book of Judas

This is terribly exciting, isn't it. National Geographic found a gospel which has an alternate view of good ole Judas Iscariot; not as a betrayer, but as a catalyst to a greater plan.

I always wondered about that.

How is it that the all-knowing didn't know he was gonna be betrayed? And, how else would everything that had to happen be put into motion?

What's interesting is how the more recent the gospels become, the more evil Judas becomes. Apparently, this was to fuel anti-semitism. Wasn't Jesus hung by the Romans??

In the words of the BEP, where is the love? what's with all the hate-mongering?

The war in america is ... mind-boggling. i mean, the war by america. "for world-wide peace and democracy!" they cry. Whatever. All i see is a bully trying to hi-jack the oil of a much smaller country and paying for it with the lives of innocent civillians and young soldiers.

anti-terrorism, my high knee.

mass misconceptions are interesting things. what motivates people is interesting. example:

do you know the story of the beggar who sat next to a guy on a bench? the guy had just bought a pack of cookies, and was eager to get into them. he'd put them in his bag, beside him. a beggar sits down next to him, and wouldn't you know it, he starts chomping away on a cookie. the guy can't believe the audacity of this beggar, so also takes a cookie. the beggar takes another. they match each other cookie for cookie. the beggar gets to the last cookie and breaks it in half, giving the guy half. the guy's bus arrives and he gets up and leaves, still fuming about the audacity of this beggar guy. when he takes his seat, his bag opens and he sees his pack of cookies, still unopened, untouched.

* apprehension *

guilt ensues.

things aren't always what they seem.

especially not when those in power are telling them.

i had an experience with the local newspaper. i'm still fuming about it:

a small blurb of an article was written about my first baby being born. sure enough, a lady from the local rag came to our house to interview my hubby and i about it. she asked questions, i answered them truthfully and honestly. when the newspaper came out, NOT ONE THING in that article was factually correct (except our names.) everything i had said, the opposite was in print. and, this has caused me problems at work.

i mean, sure, it was just a piece of fluff. but, lying about us like that for the sake of sensation... grrr.

the lesson learned here, is that you can't even trust the media. and, with this protection of information bill those in power want to stuff down our throats... i don't know where this country is headed. to clarify: i am AGAINST the "protection of information" bill. free media is essential to freedom.

clarity and reliability of information is paramount.

journos tend to put a slant on things. now, i happen to know a couple journos, and as i understand it, it's not by their choice. it's all about sales. and, sensation sells. if their news doesn't sell, there won't be a newspaper, there wouldnt be a job and everybody has a mortgage. everybody has to eat.

so, are people just that dumb, or is it powerless? it sucks being lied to. nobody should have to put up with it.

i'll try to think of solutions.. i hate it when people bitch and criticise without coming up with alternative ideas.

people should try to be more understanding, less judgemental.